A Bare Gentle Directness Among Rhetorical Kinfolk

Spending too much time thinking on how Wan going to suit himself with ambience far from home, I decide to go home for Chinese New Year break. A mixed feeling between sad and pity and how on earth should I spend my 4 days break made me stick on the decision to return to Ipoh, where thousands of Chinese flocks home for their grand day.

Khailie called me around 10PM and I did promise to get along with them after I pick up one little guy that wanted to jump on my bandwagon for Ipoh. But I had to turned them down since Mael, my housemate urges me to depart excatly at 12 midnight. This coward baby want to tail me all the way north which end up I speed up leaving him after we had a late supper at mamak somewhere after Tapah.

We join the highway exudos at Slim River when bumper to bumper crawl turned still right at the interchange. In a sarcasm manner, yell at the PLUS fler "This is what we get with your 10% after midnight toll discount". The man smiles.

I decided to get hurry by entering the Highway at Gopeng but end up stucked at Ipoh Selatan Toll for about 30 minutes.

When I reach the housing estate, the place where I belong, I found that Butik's car is not there at his house. I called him and he said that most them are still at Shuttle 8 disco in Ipoh. What? Its 4.30AM bastard!

When I arrived at Shuttle 8 gate, they are about to leave but waiting to welcome me home. Some in tipsy and most are drunk. Few of us went to Nasmir Ipoh Garden and few seeing nothing but bed.

After testing Maxis Broadband at Ipoh Garden, I found the signal was UMTS. That is way much greater than what I expected. When we stopped at Sunway City near Lost World of Tambun which is 1 km from my house, the signal is UMTS and HSDPA. Oh my! I really love this.

When I test it at my home, it turned to be GPRS. What a foolish consolation.

Last night, I was thinking how it gonna be when he was no longer here. I cant fall asleep as easy as usual. Early this morning, I saw him cleaning up his room and get the luggage ready. Both us went out at 11 and stop by at Cyberjaya having our lunch accompanied by Kuzuto and his mate.

We arrive LCCT around 1.10PM and I cant hide my sadness anymore. But I managed to hold my tear from falling down in crowds. This is the day. The hard day to go through. The day that I fear since weeks before. Finally we are on the seconds to get apart.

The carrier charging him RM205 for a 28.4kg luggage which is luckily I have the amount that he forgot to withdraw his. He went to the departure hall at about 1.45 which is the moment that I must realize, he is now taken by the wide distance, away from our regular meet-up days. The least I can do is to hug him tight and let him go.

At 5.15PM, I recieved his call. He is now safely arrived in KK. From his voice I can hear the sad feeling, far away from home, lover and fear of a strange place. In summary, it creates the feeling of emptiness.

Dear, I do feel empty as how you feel now. Emptiness is something that we can't share. All we need to do is to gain strength to fortify the patience, upon waiting the arrival of the day for us to hold each other, the day that from now, we going to defy uncertainties to ensure it will come, like how this fateful day coming.

IF YOU'RE GONE

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

Matchbox20

The day for both me and him to face the greatest test of our relationship is approaching. It is so near that I could feel the moodiest moment is transiting in. I feel like how it gonna be living in solitary. Like I could feel what he would feel there soon, 1,500km away.

He told me yesterday, in his glassy eyes, that he will have no one to talk to on this matter. The matter of something you love , yet you cant touch and see before your eyes, but only could hear voices. He said, here in KL, I still have our friends to talk to, to say my whine and grouses about the unpleasant situation imposed by destiny upon us.

Sometime I feel like want to stay away off our friends, sharing the loneliness he gonna pass through. I feel that I need to feel the same as what he feel over there. But could I justify everything in the way that I never know wether it is good or bad for both us.

Tomorrow, Wan will fly away to Sabah. He said he wouldnt be long working over there. But how long is not long? The tense is optimizing.

Last nite I was offered an Acer lappy with a killing low price at RM700. After a tactical bargain, I get this notebook for RM600. Manufactured in Jan 2008 it was a year old laptop that worth 'lanyak'.

After sending Wan to Hentian Putra, I drove straight home. Wan took 11PM bus to Dungun, to meet his family before he'll be flying to Sabah next Tuesday.

Prior to that, I've booked an Air Asia flight to Kota Kinabalu for RM190 including the return ticket. I'll be going to KK on Feb 26 to March 3 and will be staying at The Beach Lodge foer 5 nights that only cost RM225. That will be my first time landing in Sabah.

Now, I was in Hajris, Salak Selatan with Kuzuto having my dinner.

Meet him on one nice evening of Aug 25. We both have a nice conversation with sex topic sexcluded... Soon after, he heard that he going to be sent to Sabah... Everything went wrong when every steps taken in our effort to keep ourselves near whilst, meet a dead end. By now, both us take it as God will and leaving much to be desired. Next week, Wan will start working in KK, Sabah.

In this ‘so-short-yet-so-long’ period, both us traded love, arguments, rebellions, yells, whispers and also...tears. Wan came when I was not looking for anyone and everything now is like I’m loosing something that I wholeheartedly feel the loss despite a fragile starts.

Everything was made by Wan patiently and Wan’s spirit is too good to be true in other’s determination. Wan’s straight forward attitude that I 'hate' most is now going to be something that I miss.

Last Saturday, I brought Wan to News KTV as he claimed that was his first time being in KTV. Then we have a load of seafood at Muara Tanjung Harapan Seafood in Klang before we went to Genting an hour past the midnight with Khailie Yama and Danny.

Soon, both us will be temporarily apart. I dont have any idea on how we going to justify ourselves with the 'climate change'. How we going to replace the routine of once in two days meet with once in a month. We just let the Maxis get us connected, of course with the RM0.08 per minute voice call.(Motip iklan?) It going to be a time when voice will represent the figure.

Whatever it is, everything has been written and sent from Above for the good sake of both us. Whatever happens, I will always right here waiting. :(